Jag lämnar sällskapet och går med bestämda steg
bort från tomboys och jailbait-queers
bort från ftm:s och hemtryckta zines

det är sent, ja, vi kommer säkert att ses
nästa gång vi rör oss bland de som ler som oss
nästa gång vi möts bland de som förrut utstöts

tills nästa gång är jag på väg
med asfalt under converse-kopior och historian framför mig
detta är jag och världen i konstant gerillakrig

jag är förklädd här ute hos er
förklädd bland par som stirrar in i
skyltfönstret på granit

förklädd bland cyklister i kjol
under en belysning av reklamskyltar
och ett soundtrack av skateboardhjul

bara takten i mina steg förråder mig
en kod, som går rakt över gatan
där en okänd kvinna ler

det är vår kod - er hemlighet
det är inte vi som döljer
- det är ni som inte ser

detta är inte min förklädnad
- det är er

all konst är fejk
ovansett hur realistiskt man målar en klocka
kommer den inte hålla en vaken på natten
med sitt tickande.

.............


Min syster har en intellektuell romans. De dricker kaffe, cola, öl, och de samtalar. Där är diskussionerna förspelet. Nyfödda insider-skämt en afrodisiaka

Jag vill ha en konstnärlig romans,
men talar man om konst blir det intellektuellt.
Det är inte en sån affär jag vill ha.
Jag vill ha Gustav Klimts guldfärg och Frida Kahlos nålar i min säng.
Nils Ferlins takt och Courtney Loves poesi mellan mina lakan.

.................

I'm butch and in the goddess I do trust
I'm femme, with a good eye to all women
I'm a punk, a motherfuckin' cunt
I'm a rocker, with change for a beer in my pocket
I'm emo, I'm the big bad homo
I'm so indie, I'm mahatma fuckin' gandhi
I'm a freak, I'm all but unique
I'm a dyke, I'm whatever you don't like
I'm a lesbian, I'm the big bad truck
and you're a pedestrian out of luck

soundtrack: poison girls - state control and rock n' roll

State control and rock and roll
Are run by clever men
What they sell is selling very well
And the price is up again

you don't need the eyeliner
or the razorblade
you don't need the lipgloss
or the dark shades
you just need you
you don't need to go on a diet
you need to join in the riot
you don't even need the tattoos
you just need you

State control and rock and roll
Are run by clever men
Politics are ultra chic
And wars are in again

you don't need to feed the rich
you need to feed yourself
with attitude, you need to throw a fit
this is not the time to be a bitch
no, this is the time to be THE bitch
you don't need their aproval
you just need you

State control and rock and roll
Are run by clever men
It's all good for business
They're in the charts again - and again

women, this time you wear the boxershorts
and guys, go for the thongs and fishnet
pull your records of the internet
the rocord companies don't need your support
no you don't need to follow the latest trend
you don't need all that money to spend
you just need you

It's a vicious circle try and break loose
Break out of the trap
Get out of the noose
You know it's true but what can you do
Cos what you're feeling
Is a human being
Not this year's thing or last year's thing
This year's thing or next year's thing...
State control and rock and roll
Are run by clever men
It's all good for business!

State control and rock and roll
Are run by clever men
And anarchy is this year's thing...

soundtrack: concrete blonde - joey

it's not that
I'm ungrateful
I know I'm
a handful
I want you to know, dear
this time there
is no fear

a future
wide open
a past we
must cope with

a future
open wide
a past we
must put aside

and I want you to feel
though we both bleed
there was a point to trying
there will come a point
when we're through crying

I never took you
for granted
though at first I
felt disenchanted
please forgive
my bluntness
I was on a high
of self-righteousness

and though sometimes,
I still feel bitter and blue
I'm fighting hard to see the sun
and I hope it shines on you too

so I wrote these lines for you
so that you could read inbetween
how I feel

I wrote this lines for you
so that you would know, dear
this time there is no fear

I have been the crutches to a woman
who could walk well on her own
She was beating a horse
I never saw breathe or move at all

I have been digging my own grave
with my shovel of regrets and could have:s
and now my back is broken
and I'm too deep to get up

I have been worshiping the gods or nothing
up and down the streets of this town
pleanty of beer and alcohol
cigarettes and want for company

I have been praying in late night curches
and tempels in disguise
sacrificing both sanity and peace of mine
for some crutches at my hand

*******

look at me juggling
with so many personalities
I'm the arty party brat
and the beer drinking boi
I have so many clever monologues
memorized in my head
and you know
the only point to all of this
is to make you
want me to wake up in your bed
I have rehearsed so many tricks
get your hands up and applaud me
I'm the perfect drug
I'm morally appalling
come on and get your fix
show me why it should be you
to use me


*****

it's the end of another friday night
and look at how what you started ended up
there goes the girls
with holes in their pantyhoes
look at the cooky boys
wondering if they've had to much
to get it up
oh, the excitement of the 2 am buss
see the fifteen yr olds
who've not yet learnd how to play sober
look at the buisness woman
I bet she started out really proper

and if they'd try
I'm sure they could see
we're just extras in this
(or anyother) city

this is the story
of use or be used
competing for the glory
of who gets the last screw

you're one big mindfuck
my soul is a whore
there's no one to suck
the poison from my soul's core

cause when all is said and done
none of us are saints or saviours
we both used and was used
(your abuse is still my favorite flavour)

Det är någon som borde finnas här,
men det är med kärleken som med livet,
tillslut finns inget kvar att ta för givet.
Så säg; man lever och lär,
den som lever får se.
Ryck på axlarna
och säg; det är som det är.

Det är bara charader,
men jag kan lura mig ett tag.
Det är bara charader,
men det är livet över lag.